Thank you 2012! And Hi 2013 :-D

WHOA... Did another year just fly by? Was it just a year 'coz it felt like a lifetime!! Looking back at my last post in 2011 it looked like things could not change any more. Clearly 2012 was not gonna be shown up a year that was so last year! ;-) So I went on another roller coaster ride, even more terrifying with the kind of ups and downs which makes you feel like your face is gonna get blown away in the momentum! But I survived. Actually, No. I did better than survive. I got crushed, bruised, had a few of my emotional teeth knocked out. But with a lot of help from my friends and family, I got up, brushed off the dirt and the best part, laughed about it. And boy, was it hard! But boy, was it so worth it!

So this last post is for all kickass people who helped me smile! This post is for a big, Big, BIG

I have no idea whom to start with, so in random order...

Chinch - Sweetie, you are a hundred miles away but I love you for the fact that you are always reachable and always there. For being both the comfort and the sharp reminder to keep strong and move on.


Annie Mathew :  I think the most of what I said about Chinch applies to you too. Then again I'm not surprised both of you being birthday twins!! :) Of course, you are your own brand of 'pat and whack' but I know I could not have done it without you!

Chinnu and Elu : For just being the mad cap sisters you are. For the times you never realise how much energy and joy you bring into a room. For the times you never realise how much it means to me.

Akhila : :(  Who'll understand my half sentences? Who'll make me kanji-paiyer when I'm sick and make me feel pampered? Who'll.. never mind.. you know how long that list is. I'm just incredibly glad we had the time we had together. God, I'll miss you. So freaking much!!!

Maria: I don't think you know how much of a role model you are to me. In a world where there doesn't seem to be a lot of people who you can look up to and want to be like, I'm just so happy I have you!

For the Blore Boys, ie Renju and Mani : We are not the closest of friends and we don't get to hang out as much either, but just knowing you guys, Mani with his forever enthu eloquence and Renju with his calm composed demenur, are around the corner if ever we needed help was an unbelievable reassurance.  Something I'll sorely miss :(

Eapen : It means a hell lot to me that I have talked it out with you and we are friends again. Maybe I'll never get back my best friend again, but you are pretty great as just a friend and I would hate to lose that. So thank you!

Vijay : For making me laugh about all the complicated relationship statuses and situations; for keeping my sanity and the countless hours of advice, both useful and useless. For just being a friend I'm really proud to have!

My out of towner boys ie Peppy, Thiru and Don : My sunshine!! The boys who can't help me but make me smile like mad no matter how down I'm feeling. Pretty please, stay the same with the annoying (yet secretly delightful) ways always!!

Bobby Uncle and Lourdsy Aunty : For being the sweetest, kindest and most understanding people I know. For raising kids who are an absolute joy to know and to love!

Uncle G and Teena Ammayi : For the fact that you reached out even when you were abroad. For the fact that you reached out and helped me feel like I'm not alone. For reaching out and bridging gaps when certain bull-headed people were being, well, bull headed! :)

Amma : Well, for being everything you been, even the time I dint couldn't see it or appreciate it. I just don't have the words to thank you enough.

Alex : hmmm... this is a tough cookie. So I'm gonna steal something which pretty much says what I have to say. It's from "As Good as It Gets",  one of my all time favorite movies! And I love the scene with Jack Nicholson when he takes Helen Hunt out for a real date, because I think This is how I feel pretty much all the time when I try to say something nice. And in case you were wondering, I'm Nicolson! :-)



Melvin Udall: I've got a really great compliment for you, and it's true. 
Carol Connelly: I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful. 
Melvin Udall: Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... all right, well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills. 
Carol Connelly: I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me. 
Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.



And Last and Most Importantly, I want to thank God! For having given me these people in my life! There's not enough words to express my gratefulness for all that's been 2012, the good ,the bad and the ugly!

And I Pray and Hope 2013 is so much more!

Wish you all a fantastic year ahead! Yet another year choke full of memories and stories.

But I Digress... (or better known as "My experiments with theater")

I had done a procenium theater course about a year back and these are my take aways on the same. We were guided though the process by Rajesh and Shibu. Rajesh is a garrulous, larger than life, rolly-poly person while Shibu seemed more like his alter ego with a more stern and taciturn outlook on life. The course was open to all and so we were a bunch of students, both degree and post grad, IT professionals, house wives; a cycling enthusiast and an economic major, both looking to find/explore what life has to offer.. quite an eclectic bunch to come together. People we were unlikely to come across in the normal routine of our lives. This is a small excerpt from that particular chapter of my life.

It's a rather long one, but hopefully engaging enough and wont put you to sleep :) :-P

------

I thought of least 50 ways of starting this but I crumpled up each of them and threw it in the dust bin. Ok, fine, I back spaced them out!

Not my school, but close enough to the kind of antics
that I remember being presented

I thought of starting out with my initiation into theater: as audience. All those skits and plays, amateur, played out during all the school functions. Armed with nothing more than a crisp script, impeccable timing and loads of enthusiasm they laid out the foundation for my understanding of what good theater ought to be- engaging, entertaining and an experience. Most of the successes of these plays were based on the fact that cast was always quick on their feet when one of them forgot their dialogs (or for any other common dramatic mishaps) rather than any real discipline or dedication to the medium.

My first profesionally done play: Oh God!

Courtesy: evamentertainment.blogspot.in

Next, about when I really feel in love with theater. Chennai was an eye opener in many ways, one of which was the theater going culture. My first ever play by professionals was from Evam, then a fledgling enterprise. The differences brought about by attention to details, like lighting, costume, sound, was apparent. Saw a lot plays after that; some good, some bad and worst of all, some forgettable. But as part of the audience I never realized the amount of work that goes into making a production- Into creating the same experience for different audiences on different days in different cities. That realization came about when I was lucky enough to be part of Evam for a month or so. Helping them out with the mundane details like marketing and ticketing, which go a long way in creating the experience, gave me a glimpse of how a show is put up. About the expertise needed in planning out the lighting for the entire show or how integral sound is for creating the mood etc.

During my time with Evam, I came across a lot of actors and theater personalities. Fun as they were they seemed overly exaggerated . In the sense their actions seemed louder- they seem to laugh a little more, sulk a little more. Did gestures of the stage leave it’s impressions on their personality when off it too? But I digress.

Thought about the how I came to make my decision to join proscenium. I had seen the same mail last year but I wasn’t sure. Truth be told, the course seemed too expensive and I dint know how it would be a value addition for my course( unfortunately doing an MBA makes one think of Return on Investment for everything in life!!). But with college days running out on me, I realized this might be the last time I’ll get an opportunity coupled with time to indulge in it. It was an effort to break my own inhibitions of taking on more an one thing at a time.

Went and spoke with Rajesh. For one he seemed to reinforce the idea I had about theater people. Actually just watching him selling the idea to us was a show by itself. He told us how it could possibly change us, what a value addition it would be. Truth be told I dint buy it, but I decided to take the plunge anyways! So, last November, I let me splurge on myself.

Thankfully it was not an indulgence. It was every bit of a learning experience as any of my subjects I had for MBA. In fact for the amount of time I spent there, the growth, the realizations- invaluable. It was, after all, an investment! But I digress.

My sentiment exactly!

My first class. Early morning at 6.20am! I dint even realize life could start at such hours leave alone have classes. But I somehow managed to get there on time, though bleary eyed and still half asleep. Started it off with the exercises. Well, that got me going, loosening up the muscles. Seemed silly with the car noises and buzzing like bees. Rajesh explained that it was to open up our vocals and warm up.

But it triggered off something. Now I realize it opened up more than our vocals. For me, it opened up the possibility of being like a child. Being open to possibilities and pulling out the long forgotten talent that as kids we used for all those imaginary pirate raids and playing princesses. It was liberating and I think buzzing like the bee is my favorite part of the exercise.

Also like the fact that we were just thrown together, initially about 7 and later 12, and asked to collaborate to create something out of an almost diaphanous idea. I quite clearly remember being asked to create alphabets on our own using our bodies and then all of a sudden asked to form a word. We were given a couple of minutes and somehow we just pulled together. Put aside was the inhibitions we have when we interact with people we don’t know. I like the fact that Rajesh just pushed us, without seeming to, to let go and connect with people on the go. Now it makes so much sense, the final feedback after classes from each person. It was not just for him, but a chance for us to know each other, the thought processes than make each one of us.

I remember having only one class with the playback group. Again, pushing us out of our comfort zones. We had become comfortable with the people in the proscenium and so throw in about a new set of 15 or so to mix it up. Again it surprised me how remarkably easy it was to work with someone I dint know at all. Maybe it had something to do with the setting where people were in a place where we left our inhibitions by the lift door. But somehow that one interaction was enough to create a familiarity we usually reserve for people we see every day. It is too bad that we took up the baggage on our way out. World would be so much better if we just gave people a chance before we let first impressions prejudices color our interactions. But I digress.

Another class I have vivid memory about is the 'low class' and 'high class' concept. We were given roles which were differentiated by who is superior to whom. The 'low class' person would be bending and 'high class' person would tower over them. I remember it very clearly because I had a realization about myself that day. I was so intensely uncomfortable being one among the crowd, following the herd and obeying the unspoken rules. It made my skin itch, the bending down and sticking together. It gave me a lot to think about that day. Not just about myself, but how society works. Saw it in a new light, the interactions we have daily. How when we need help from the plumber or the taxi driver how the roles change, making them the ones in control of the situation. Awareness about the layers we assume or are blind to in life.

A class with Shibu about how we can modulate each sentence showed how limited my thinking can be. That there so many shades of meaning enclosed in a single line. Trying to find something more than what it means in the usual context was a tiring task. It felt a little odd at the time. But when I was working on my solo piece it all came back. How to change the texture of the piece so that you imbibe something new into it. And that’s the beauty of theater isn't it? Is that not why we go see the play rather than just read the script.

The same class we were asked to prepare our life time achievement speech as we would like it to be after 30 odd years or so. Yet another class I left with food for thought.

Unfortunately I missed the December classes thanks to exams. And miss the those morning classes I did. Missed getting up early enough to greet the morning sun, enjoying the morning chill invigorates your bones. Missed the warm up exercises and group interaction- because the morning classes used to make my day. Felt freer and seeing new colors and shades in what I had to learn that day.

Painting : Joy and Sorrow by Zhong Yang Hhuang
Poetry : Khalil Gibran

It was indeed a long December before I came back to the classes. The group had grown to 12 then. Some new faces, new people to learn from. And January was the beginning for a short pilgrimage- the solo piece. The moment I had heard we had to pick a piece which inspires or moves us I had my heart set on Khalil Gibran. I put in the least amount of thought into how I was supposed to present it. I’m glad about it now. Had I realized that we had to act this out on the stage I’m sure would have picked a far easier piece more, within the range of my modest talent. Then I would not have to struggle so much.Then I would not have learned as much. 

Sensual and diaphanous imagery, just like his poetry.
Painting by Khalil Gibran

Working with my solo piece was a struggle. There’s so much gravity in each of the words and there’s no characterization in the poem to mold into a person. But in a weird way it was also uplifting. The piece about joy and sorrow was one of my favorite out of his many poems. Memorizing the words was helping to reinforce them into my daily life. It helped to create a positive energy that I could channel into when I was having a bad day. Secondly, in trying to communicate the piece without being melodramatic, in trying to capture the essence was pushing my creativity and the acting itself was making me more aware of myself. Was growing and loving it!

Watching the others with their pieces also made me aware of the different perspective a single piece
can take up. Working with them on their pieces, just the random suggestions we would throw in helped to bond. It was so refreshing that we would suggest something and it was taken without the least amount of resentment. It also led to some interesting confessions and conversations later. I know I was always told never to judge a book by the cover but day in and day out I realised that I pass so many judgments even about people we know and care about.

One of my all time fave quotes!

So true. But I digress.. again!

Another journey was the group piece. Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach is my favorite book ever since I laid my eyes on it about a decade back. That story, rather fable, has inspired me in so many ways and helped to overcome road blocks so many times. And for the life of me I could not see how it would be adapted to stage. I was extremely skeptical how we would be able to pull it off without proper stage setting, props, costumes, lighting. It seemed an impossible task, or least a highly improbable task to pull off especially given that we had just 10 minutes to perform it in. And that is how I learned what a difference the director could really make. Hats off to Rajesh because I can’t see any other way we could have pulled it off with all the conditions in place. But then again, I’m a mere mortal and not a director!

Courtesy :artandcreativity-maree.blogspot.com

Another thing I liked about the piece was the fact that the input was mostly from the group. It was
not like we were puppets and we were a big part of how the show was made. It was our song and our
words. I loved the way it was shaped and molded together to give it life.

The group piece was a crazy journey- The disappearance of the different people and taking over their part, the lack of practice, the fooling around- Made me realize how difficult it was to get up a show. That it needs everyone to pull their weight. And it was my first experience being part of a show leave lone doing a lead. It was curious sensation. Not only do I have to aware of my lines and role but of everyone else’s on stage. In fact I realized we need to memorize everyone else’s as well, know their cues, entrances and exits. At the same time we need to immerse ourselves in our characters as much as possible. Not to lose track of both was like having heightened senses; the level of self awareness as well as of our surroundings had to be so much more.

Then there was how we were asked to move under Shibu’s direction for the solo piece. Changing the shape of the piece entirely put all of us off. But the experiment worked. Somehow each of us had to find the comfort zone quickly and work into it. A bit of discipline and dedication was required if we were to pull it off and I think we did!

Getting into a seagull’s skin was another experience. I could understand some of the lure of the stage. To let go of my personality and take on another was more fun than I had figured. Unlike the  Prophet, here was a personality, though of flesh bone and feathers, who I could relate to. A day dreamer, a bit like me.. a perfectionist, unlike me.. trying to convince to let go and feeling rejected, a feeling that would have universal identification with.

And in doing so I realized why theater people seem to have personalities a bit larger than life. Simply because they are more aware of everything around them; more than we are. I guess they are used to taking in more and giving out more out of life than we are. They laugh a little harder and a little louder because they can see the different shades of irony that the theatrically inexperienced eyes of ours can’t see. But let me not digress from what I was trying to say.

What I wanted to talk about was the epiphany I had when I was trying to think about creating a flow of the final document. I was worried that I was moving along so many lines, changing direction and talking about random realizations. That there is no clear cut, straight line of thought. But then it hit me,why should I? Isn't that what theater is.. a digression from real life? When we sign the social  contract, whether as part of the audience or as the performer, are we not promising to move away the rules that hold the rest of our life together? 

To explore whatever it is that presented no matter how strange or alien the idea is; Being part of an experience, growing and learning, opening up ourselves for other people to put in their thoughts, voices; the realization and epiphanies are crucial for theater to survive.

Movies and TV leave little room for our imagination because they don’t ask us to believe the white ball in the ceiling to be the moon; they show us the moon. They don’t ask us to pay attention to details, they zoom in to the details, or out as in convenient. But theater asks everyone present to be fully engaged and fully present.

And now I’m sad that this little digression in my life has come to an end. Hopefully everything that I have learnt and realized will go with me for some more time. And when, one fine day, I realize that I have forgotten them then, perhaps, I’ll come back for another!

-

Phil!

Review : Kafka on the Shore by Murakami

This was something I had written quite some time back. And I had forgotten all about it till a friend of mine asked if I'd write one on the book. I had been completely blown away by the book and as with things which completely blow me away I have to exorcise it by staining a pristine sheet of white with my black ramblings :) But this time I used some self restrain and din't go into my gushing school-girl-after-boy-band-concert mode which is how I felt.. that I had just encountered a Rock Star of a book! I'd even say I managed to even sound rather objective about the book ( doesn't matter if I am or not.. all that matter is how I sound.. it's all perception after all!)

So here goes...


Just finished 'Kafka..' by Murakami.

Loved it.


Apart from the fact that he's a compelling story teller it hit spots I din't think possible by a person other than me. Places in my heart and brain which only I'm privy to. Emotions from a dark place which are so difficult for another person to comprehend that no one ever bothers to explain. The reasons for the emotion can not be put in your conventional ideas of good and bad. Or rather in light and dark. Explaining it would make it seem like a grey area to others, but is an exceptionally Dark place. And it was so comforting to know that I might not be alone in that Dark place.


True, at a lot of points the story seem to go off into tangents that seem puzzling to say the least and true, he doesn't bother tying up every little thing he's brought into the story. But it matters little because from the very beginning he's asking us to take a leap of faith, and it's the irredeemably quality of faith that some questions will always remain unanswered. 


Not entirely a story that would seem palatable to every one, but the language is flawless. Somehow, though read in English, there was this intangible Japanese flavor all through the story telling but done without alienating the foreign reader. And that's the sign of a master story teller, to draw you in with themes and tones both alien and universal at the same time.


A book which paced itself so wonderfully. Though the characters themselves seem stuck, lost or moving at an alarmingly slow pace the story line never slows down. It's a book I wanted to finish in one sitting and would have done so in a couple of hours had time permitted. Pulls you into it's world and things move simultaneously fast and slow. A bit like being on the roller coaster while high! :-) Contradictions abound in the spirit of the book, yet like contractions in a personality which co-exist with little difficultly and sometimes define the personality, it fits well and we don't feel jarred by it. 


All in all, to sum up...Loved it!


Want to write more about the book, but I don't believe in giving away the story; besides being massively difficult in verbalising the emotions, it is also one of those things which if we start to we get lost in trying to find and end up writing a hell lot.
Cant wait to get my hand on the rest of his books!

Phil!


Ps: LOVED, I mean Loved, the fact that a part of the book was set in Kochi and it was so green! YAY!

So there.. what do you think? Not a bad job, huh?! :)

Review: Anita Nair's Mistress

Anita Nair's 'Good Night and God Bless' is one of my favorites when it comes to nighttime reads, just before sleep, or one of those books you just dip into when you just have a few minutes to wait. Rather like the chocolate mint on your pillow in the nicer hotels, a nice refreshing taste before a good night's rest. But her 'The Better man' left me very disappointed. The main character put me to sleep and the rest of the cast was not very well etched. The main feeling I remember when I finished the book was relief! So I was a little sceptical about picking up something on the novel side again, but the fact that she did write 'Good Night and..' seemed good enough reason to give her another chance.

To begin with, Mistress has come a long way from The Better Man. She's paced herself well in Mistress, Anita Nair. I loved her take of the 3 different perspectives for the situations.. kinda like a emotional kaleidoscope.Same mirrors and the same bangle bits, but one turn and you have another unique pattern entirely different from the one before. And she's added just enough kathakali techniques to remind you very vaguely of Marquez's 100 years. I think she's added that right amount of magic surrealism which is what actually raises the book above the otherwise cliched storyline ( boy-girl-bad marriage-she cheats) without seeming over ambitious. 

Also loved the exploration of the 9 emotions of dance. I think those short introductions for the navarasas were her chance to indulge in her lyrical best. And for someone from Kerala,it surprises and delights you the familiar landscape being imbibed with a new emotions. Like the quiet fury of the woodpecker or the derision of the December winds.

The only thing I would complain about, though it's not a critic, is the fact that I could not place what the author wanted from the characters. Are we supposed to empathise with Radha, who in my perspective turns from estranged and misunderstood wife to an intellectual snob and pardon my french, selfish bitch; or are we supposed to resent Shyam,the cuckold husband, with his typical overbearing malayali chauvinistic trappings which turn out to be a sheild to protect the surprisingly more sensitive and fragile emotional ecosystem he had grown up and lives in? Or as in some cases,has the author given us the freedom to choose the perspective which suits us the best?! Nor are we clear about the 'Sahiv' Chris's motivations and intentions for starting the affair. And after all the build up, the relationship between the Uncle ( who btw provides the 3rd perspective of the book) and his father remain unexplored. But then again I'm not sure if that's another kathakali technique which I might have not understood.

But in Nair's defence, the lack of clarity is not because of her language or writing( which is crisp yet 

Anita Nair : A lovely voice from God's own Country!

retains a certain flow and grace) but is because the characters themselves are for the most parts confused souls and is never really sure of their feelings and to end their confusion picks up the most dominant emotions and decide, 'this is it, this is what I feel', which I feel is how predominantly how the world works unconsciously, whether it admits it or not! That confusion and corresponding joy or panic of the decision is what made the otherwise bland characters seem so alive to me.

All in all, it was a book I enjoyed a lot. To take something that is so familiar (and we all know what feeling that usually breeds)and imbibe new emotions and colors and life is a unique talent. She also reminds you that there might be no such things as true feelings only differing perspectives. I think it's well worth a read to enjoy that realisation.

Review :Em and The Big Hoom by Jerry Pinto

Some books, characters speak to you immediately. For me it happened the moment [semi-spoiler alert] Em explained the idea of calling someone 'Angel Ears' because their ears look liked crispy bacon ie page 2. Equating food, love, feel, texture.. the idea left me a little breathless when I read it because it was so close to how I feel things sometimes.
The fact is when I think of Em, I find it hard to think of her as a character instead of a person, even after I closed the book. That speaks volumes of the talent that is Jerry Pinto.

It's sensitive take on a raw personality and a controversial subject; but the controversial subject for me [spoiler alert]was not the madness, but the mother-child relationship. Reading this book was like seeing it under a microscope; a magnification of the faults and longings that form this unique bond. Which means while it looks out of proportion with reality in some aspects, the larger than life perspective also makes it clearer and easier to understand.. and to some extend,to accept. The voice of the narrator is brutally honest and yet, it's the brutal part which highlights the ironical humor that life has.

Wonderfully etched characters, like those made with sharp ,bold and minimal strokes without making them caricatures in spite of the larger than life feel of the central character, Em. With a character like Em it's easy to overpower the other characters into nothingness or into a side role but Pinto's made sure that each person has his or her place. The only person who might have been side lined was Susan, Em's daughter. I was left craving for a little more information on her, on her relationship with the narrator, a bit more on the sibling bond. But then again it might just be me coz like the narrator I thrive on details.

Jerry Pinto

For all the drama and seriousness it speaks of, it's a surprisingly fast read. Maybe because Pinto doesn't try to overpower you with sentimentality( which would have made it tedious and cliched) or over explain or justify character faults. He knows they are flawed, but he loves them anyways and you realise you do too.

A surprisingly fresh voice in the new genre of Indian Authors in English and I can't wait to read more of his work :)

The bus

The bus' speeding ahead like a steady wave, on the straight road with it's gentle troughs and crests. Dark frames with the occasional and fractional yet blinding brightness cast by the street lights and the porch lamps,or even the headlights, hurtling by; tiny glimpses of clarity and color among the varying shades of dark grey. Yet time is only inching forward... 11 O'clock.. Sigh.. Still wide awake. I'm not the only restless soul but in the dark of the bus we all seem lost,isolated in our own catacomb of a seat.

The frequency of the little towns seem to be increasing. Which means more sepia colored streets under hooded incandescent lamps with dark backgrounds in your window's movie frames,the muddy brown reds of passing gulmohar blooms and Vodafone hoardings. In the meantime your eyes adjust to the moonlight and you pick out details, the lighter and square shades of grey houses first. Then in surprising detail, everything else. Fields, trees, sleepy vehicles, telephone poles, hay stacks, bushes, the narrow paths separating the fields, shadows of the trees; the mountain no longer a silhouette but slopes scattered with boulders and some tenacious shrubs. Somehow more like filtered daylight devoid of color rather than the expected black and white movie.

And yet, it's only inching away. 12 minutes still to 12. Though the occasional yawn visits me, sleep still eludes me. How is it that sandman blew his dream dust over everyone but me? At this point even the street lamps seems to have gone to sleep.No one to help me keep vigil over the forts and temples passing by.

The bus has moved on to the highway and now it's true and straight like an arrow. The monotonous movement seems to be inducing more and more yawns. The screen seems a tad too bright now. Time to close this note and see if I can catch up with the sandman :)

Good night my dear.

More IOU notes!

Yes yes.. It's been a while and April-May was beyond busy. And yes, I know there's one pending from the last IOU as well. It's a tricky one. So for the time being I'm just gonna let it pend.. and that's not even coz I was/am lazy!

So what should we be expecting for the next few posts?

• Notes from my Note in Havelock
• Evolution of creativity ( and what it might mean now)
• Best things in life are free.. least Email is!
• Present laughter, a review

Well, I think that's about it for now.

Signing off, 

Me and my lazy Muse! :D

Madhav Mathur's The Diary of an Unreasonable Man Review

Well, that's two down and two more to go.. From the IOU note!

Moving on!

Sometimes you relate so much to a book or character that you lose your objectivity. You can't help but think it's a fantastic book. I mean, after all, the main character is so much like you and you are fabulous, right?! What's not to love?! The problem is that I've never been able to figure out if this loss of objectivity is a comment on the quality of the literature ( after all, great works of art are the ones in which you lose yourself, least for a while, right?) or just an emotional blind-spot born out of some ego massaging.

Either ways, I really liked 'The Diary of an Unreasonable Man'. After all it begins with my favorite quote of all time :

And it goes on to echo the sort of quarter life crisis we, ie pretty

Maybe not this bad :-/
Courtesy: cowbirdsinlove.com

much everyone in and around 25, at one point or the other have faced. For those lucky brats who escaped unscathed or not yet there, your standard quarter life crisis mostly consists of asking yourself :

1. What the hell am I doing with my life?
2. Is the pursuit of money really the pursuit of happiness?
3. Will I forever be a worker drone, an almost invisible and almost dispensable cog in the vast machinery of corporate-whatever-field-I'm-working-in?
4. Is there nothing/anything I can do to change the corruption/pollution/commercialization/pick-your-favorite-socio-political-peeve around me?
5. Will I ever break out of my comfort zone long enough to make any real difference to the world at large?
6. Some variant of all/any of the above questions which will make you lose sleep for an hour or two  of soul searching which then you'll give up on for the lack of definite answers and sleep. Least till the next bout of conscience attack.

So that's your basic dissection of your standard quarter life crisis. Anyways, where were we? Ah yes, the unreasonable man. We all have our moments. Like the time we sit and argue with the auto driver for that 4/3/2 or even one rupee change not because we can't afford to lose it but merely because we just got sick and tired of the bloody unfairness of the whole thing; Just because we don't want to cave in and be reasonable. But at the end of the day we continue being the almost invisible cog because the whole thing seems too daunting to take on our own. So Pranav, the protagonist, is so us with his slow and steady ad exec job and his frustration at the larger picture. 

One reason I liked the book was because it surprised me with the finesse with which Mathur handled the language. Call me a snob if you want, but most Indian writers who get published these days are very very shoddy with their English. But Mathur's got a knack of spouting cliches without sounding cliched; most likely because of the wry tone Pranav uses to acknowledge them. And his handling of English was far from amateur. Overall B+ in this area. ( Note : I'm a very harsh grader in general )

Another thing I liked was the tempo of the book. Just when you wonder how long is this existential crisis of our hero going to last ( I mean, we don't need to read this book to remind us how it goes, right?!) it picks up and gets going. And just when we start to wonder how long can anyone play the vigilante without getting into trouble, the story takes a twist. Another thing I appreciated was the consistency of the character, least the main character. Which is a pretty tricky thing to do given the rather fickle nature of the character. This is pretty much a one man show, Pranav's, with the other characters having little influence. But then again, the book is mostly from his viewpoint so I find it quite reasonable, the overwhelming 'I' perspective. 

Now the part that makes me lose objectivity. You know the dream where overnight you become a sensation because finally, and I mean finally, people recognise your genius and you go about setting the world right? To say this sums up the plot of the book would be doing it some injustice, but this is pretty much the allure of the book. But in Mathur's defense, he's done a pretty neat job of it. Unlike our daydream, his hero plans his execution meticulously and get himself into a pretty nifty mess in the process because changing the world also means creating a few enemies who liked it the way it was. And usually these are the big cogs in the machine! (Whether he gets out of the mess or not is for you to read and find out!)

But end of the day, it's biggest strength or weakness, according to me, would lie in the fact how often you have dreamt about being the hero. In a lot of ways, it reminded me of the feel-good factor I get after a chick flick when the girl finally says yes to the right guy ( As much as I deny it, there are times even I need my dose of sentimentality :-P ). Does that make it a bad book?! Well, I still say no, just the way some chick flicks can be good cinema( No, we are not going to argue on which ones they might be! I'm sure all of us have our guilty romantic movies we are addicted to). More over, the fact that it made me sit up and look at all the bill boards and life around me in general with a little more focus I think makes it worth a read.

Well, that's my take on it. Let me know if you think I was being unreasonable about it! :-P

The cynical sister says... :)

I'm a very cynical person.

I saw 'The Help'.

Ohwait... I forgot the connect. No, this is not about how I dint like the movie. In stead it is about why I liked the movie, in spite of it being a slightly Disney-fied version ( btw, is this a very Indian thing to do, or does everyone do this... making a new word by '-fying' it ?!) of the black emancipation. To explain why, I need to give a little bit background about myself.

Like I said already, I'm a very cynical person. Not the kind of schizo person who thinks everyone is bad and out to get you. Nope, I'm a more difficult to argue with sort of cynic- the kind that believes that people really want to be good, but ultimately they'll do only what is convenient for them. Period. There are obviously exceptions but at large it's a pretty good rule to hold 99.999% of the population. This might not make me a very nice person, but it sure allows me to be more tolerant and have lower expectations of people in general and that makes me a nicer person than I might have been.

Is anything Impossibile for these brats?!
Courtesy: goldenagemag.com

But there are two situations where this cynicism doesn't apply. 

One, with children. These fresh souls run largely on instinct and the sheer amount of energy, imagination and curiosity they have leaves little which appears to be inconvenient. Rather the thought process doesn't process convenience or inconvenience, just the way they don't always process good and bad. Which means these little angels and monsters almost always do things directly from the heart till they are told otherwise. And it's downright criminal to be cynical in the face of such brutal, life affirming openness and honesty. Every time I talk to a child, I'm renewed with hope that humanity is not entirely a lost cause.

The other, is when I see a sisterhood. It's a rare thing. And it's hard to explain the magic around one. It's not like an all accepting bond like a brotherhood. Nope, we fight, we bitch about each other, we even refuse to stand by each other occasionally. But we never cut each other away. Not even when someone wants to. In spite of all the dissension, there's a collective wisdom that holds the women together.

Viola Davis, Jessica Chastain, Octavia Spencer, Emma Stone and Bryce Dallas Howard : The Help cast

Part of the magic might be in the fact that a lot of times, the bond is formed without having a lot of common characteristics. There's no ulterior motive. This is pretty much the only other space, especially in adulthood, that I've seen where people think less of how it might be convenient or not and more about what the other person needs! And there's pretty much only one rule or code - Loyalty. But it's not your conventional definition ( we are women, ergo there can be nothing conventional about the way things are done.. esp the way men have defined it! :-P) but I wont even try to define it. One, because it's complicated even as a woman to understand it. Two, hehe.. Why give away the secret to men?! :D

Another curious thing is the fact almost always, the sisterhood is made of people who are not even remotely related. And I felt 'The Help' was a beautiful example of that kind of sisterhood.

[Spoiler Alert!!] One of my most favorite scenes in the movie is when Hilly Holbrooke tells Skeeter that she should not cut herself short just because her mama(Skeeter's) thinks she's not good enough to meet nice guys. For the most parts, Hilly's a self serving, arrogant woman who insists that she can never be wrong.  But you always bring out the best when you are rooting for a fellow sister! :)

Another favorite scene is the when Celia Foote cooks an entire dinner all by herself for Minny which gives Minny the strength to finally confront her abusive husband. There's pretty much nothing which can stop you when you have your sisters backing you.

Another scene which hit a chord is when Constantine talks to Skeeter under the tree; along similar lines,when Aibileen tells Elizabeth's kid in the morning to repeat after her,"I is kind, I is smart..." They are the Yin to your Yang, your sisters and that's what keeps you in balance.

Touchwood, because I've always been blessed with that rare kind of sisterhood all my life so far. I've always had women, some whom I am still in touch with, some I'm not ( and the blame's almost always mine!), who argued with me, comforted me, scolded me, complimented me and no matter what reminded me how lucky I am to be me! And that's why I like 'The Help'. Because it made a very cynical person sit up and reminded her that there are somethings in life which are unabashedly beautiful and one ought to be grateful for it! :)

MUUUAHH!! to all my sisters, past, present and future! :D

Curious and Funny Thing!

http://pinterest.com/ is my new found internet obsession. I'm not exactly sure why. This particular meme more or less sums it up!

Well, not that bad.. yet! Thankfully I caught on early that I might be more vulnerable than usual to the addictive-ness exactly because I can't figure out why/what is the attraction. Well, the initial pull was easily explained. They had a lot of DIYs which is a special weakness of mine. Gimme satin, paper,scissors and glue, leave me in an uncluttered corner and I'd be happy as a clam. The only easier way to make me happier is to put me away with a book in the same corner.. on my bean bag! :)

Anyways, started out by trying a few of the paper crafts and stashing away idea for future projects. But then the number of boards gradually grew. Score so far :10 ; which is not as bad as some of other I saw ! For now! Started collecting ideas for places and spaces, things I might use as inspiration to draw, yummy recipes I certainly doubt I'll try and of course, my favorite, the dream wardrobe collection which would, in all reality, stay a dream!

The curious thing is when I started I dint think it would mean much. It seemed the equivalent of an online scrapbook, nothing more. Well, it still doesn't mean a lot, but it did surprise me with a few things about me. Few things were a reinforcement of what I already knew about myself. Like the clothes I like. I love deep, bold colors over patterns. Simple cuts and styles are preferred. But accessories  need to be delicate and detailed. Nothing new there.

But when searching for inspiration to draw, that's a different story. Because I dint expect any particular pattern to emerge, but there it was. And being someone who needs to analyse every tiny detail of her life and rationalise why, it left me with a couple of curious questions. I found myself drawn to doorways. Show me a pathway, or stairs or anything which connects two different spaces and I wanted it on my board. Windows don't appeal, walls don't appeal.. no matter how pretty. Sometimes I wonder if it's because that's roughly where I am in life. At a threshold, both professionally and personally. And I'm looking for the freedom to move to any of the different opportunities which are present for me. And doorways are the perfect symbols to represent that.

Another thing which I found curious was the kind of people and faces that I wanted to draw. In all the free hand drawing I did, I never drew hands, only faces( that too abstract most of the times, and if there was a focus, it'd be on eyes). But when I started pinning, I found myself drawn, in stead, to lips. And picture where the limbs frame the person. I don't know what it means yet, but somehow I feel there's been a gradual yet definite shift in the kind of person I was to who I am today. And I don't know how, when these shifts happened. And I din't expect to find it through, of all things, Pinterest!

Self discovery is a funny, curious thing. It's not easy for sure. For better or for worse, we find it difficult to accept changes especially in the way we view ourselves. So most of the time we attribute the change to someone else's personality. How many times do we say 'She's not the same anymore' without giving a thought to the fact that we are not the same anymore either?!

But, at the end of the day I think it's a necessary evil. Some things might be sweet, but most are likely to be bittersweet, things you find out. But I still rather know if only for the fact that it might be the only way I'll get to change what I don't like. Or stick to it stubbornly ( which sounds more likely in my case! :-P ) And the fact that knowledge is power and self discovery might be the most effective way of empowering yourself for/against yourself!

Anyways, it's random ramble. More a reminder to self that we need to look into ourselves more often and we might just surprise ourselves. And that pinterest is fun! :D

'IOU' Notes for my muse!

Hey 'yall,

I know, I know. It's been a while. As usual I blame my laziness. My muse after getting back from her unscheduled, unplanned vacation ( Damn!.. She's so like me!) actually has been on a roll,  and I'm the guilty one who has been shirking my responsibilities. So I'm putting up some sort 'IOU' note so that I'll get to them faster... hopefully! :)

Things my muse's been musing about:

1.Curious things you find out about yourself through Pinterest :)
2. Learning from 'The Help'
3. Madhav Mathur's The Diary of an Unreasonable Man
4. Some reasons why I'm not an atheist and some why I may be agnostic

Well, that's all I'm promising for now. Hopefully this should spur me a little faster! :)

Finding my muse..Again!

It's been a while since I wrote anything. Not just in terms of the blog. Anything. Blog was just one of the places and spaces that I scribble on. Always carry a pen/color pencils and a book irrespective of where I am and where I'm going. Else I'd be composing pages long mails to any of my mad mad friends who are always patient enough to sit through anything I'm currently rambling about! It's a very unusual feeling for me not to write at any point in my life unless I'm depressed. But that's the whole point, I dont feel anywhere close to being depressed. And neither am I so busy that I dont have time to write. So what's missing?!


It's been very "And you never know, when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart" - esque*

I'd been missing my muse. She seemed to have gone off on a vacation. As lazy as I am and as annoying as she used to be, I missed her terribly! And so I went hunting for her in the usual places. Read new books and old favorites. Saw a bunch of movies, all of which I more or less enjoyed but dint seem to have much to say about.

Listened to my old favorites of classic rocks which she used to hum a lot.But nothing!

Then on practically a whim and a fancy, went to see "The Artist". 


*Something's Missing -John Mayer
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This post's been in a coma for well, about a month now. So I'm taking a different approach. I'm going to do a quick summary of all the things I have kept pending.


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And You can't but help love Uggi too! :)

So like I was saying saw 'The Artist'.. (twice! :) and it was just as awesome the first time around which is saying a lot according to me because it proves there's some innate value beyond the novelty of the idea.) Jean Dujardin had me sighing (...again. Except this time I also had the time to notice Berenice Bejo as Peppy Miller. I dint give her enough credit the first time around.) The story line was predictable, something in almost any other case would have irritated the hell outta me. But with the Artist I merely felt it was because I understood him so well. Anyways, the point was that I found my muse along with Dujardin. He/the movie made me feel like doing something impulsive like sleeping under than stars ( well, I did grab a mattress and blanket and stay under the stars that night..sleep, not so much!). Grab a book and start writing again. Tear out a sheet and splash colors. And it felt marvelous, finding her again!


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Ode to Culcatta as well!

Saw 'Kahaani'. Vidya Balan rocks the heck out of it! The woman is beguiling in way few actress are in the industry today. She's playful, vulnerable, strong all at the same time. The last 3 mins being overkill and unnecessary is the only complaint I had. But the woman had me go gaga, esp when she goes all Jolie-que in the Bengali saree in the end. I doubt even Jolie could have pulled that off in a saree! :-P And I love how Culcutta is just as much a protagonist as Vidya is. You can feel the vibrancy of city and it's life teeming around her all the time.


Was extremely disappointed to know the 'inspiration' was from Jolie herself in 'Taking Lives'. Oh well! :( 
But I still strongly recommend it. 


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I dont get why they are like me!

Read 'Insects Are Just Like You and Me Except Some of Them Have Wings' by Kuzhali Manickavel. Something I've not been able to grasp entirely. Short stories which seem to have been written while having hash brownies! The funny thing is while reading, it sort of makes sense. The way dreams do while we are dreaming. But finish the story and look at the whole picture and things start to fall apart slowly. Like the way dreams do after waking up. But certain stories have morbid yet endearing aspect. Like the nose bleed story. It's hard to explain why you relate to it, but you do. The rest of it, I'm waiting to have a go again after #brownies. Hopefully it'll make more sense then! But then again, most things do after #brownies! :)


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Totally get why it's in the
top 10 IMDB Horror list

Saw 'Tale of two sisters'.  South Korean psychological thriller with horror-like frills. A movie which needed more than one take to see it from every angle. Wonderfully interwoven, the flash backs, the dialog. Can seem disorienting the first time but the second time is when you fully appreciate how delicately nuanced each scene was. Have to give it to the chinky* people. They really know how to get your goosebumps going!




*pardon my political incorrectness!


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Finally finished the Paolini's Inheritance series. Unfortunately I cant pass a clear judgement on the 4th book because by the time I got my hands on it I had more or less forgotten the other 3. Need to re-read from the start. But there was something mildly disappointing about it. Of the first three I remember the 'sitting on the edge and reading' feeling which was missing here. There were moments but the climax was, well, ok..Just ok! Still as a series it was well worth the ride. Besides there's something so inexplicably sexy about dragons that the series was just bound to be cool anyways! :)

Dragons Rule! :)

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Well, that's it for..the last month :) Take care folks!

Rewind... Goa and Nostalgia

Goa, a huge chunk of it,to me means Fernando's Nostalgia. Because it's one of the most awesome experiences I've had while travelling; because it was one of those places fueled all my senses, especially my 6th sense - Imagination!

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Initially was at north goa.. looks like a highly commercialised kerala too! Was really disappointed with it.. then went to south and old goa.. Now that part of the trip was fantastic( if the part where 1k was ripped off by our taxi driver is ignored!!!) 

The south goa trip happened coz both of us had read about this restaurant called 'Nostalgia' and wanted to go at any rate.. Honestly, if getting there is also counted it was the most expensive part of the trip, on it own.. but it was soo sooooo soooooo worth it.. I honestly can't start to describe the place..

type 'nostalgia goa outlook traveller' and click the first link.. it's a book link so cant paste the article..

 { http://fernandosnostalgia.wordpress.com/2010/03/22/fernandos-nostalgia-article-in-outlook-traveller-july-2008/ } [Another reason I dint write more about it was the reason this article does far more justice to it than I ever could .. Must read!]

The best part of the place was that it was better than the expectation.. and we had such extremely high hopes, which kinda figures from the fact that we traveled across the state just to eat at this place.. I can't explain how charged the place is.. least for me, the moment I stepped into the place I could feel the passion and enthusiasm of the man who built the place.. the details, man, the details... he's hung copper vessels( no fancy antique types, but ones we see in out kitchens) and name plates from the beams( amoung the many things he's hung!)..
And you can see red elephants peep out at you from the greenery , which surrounds the place.. I could (even) see a hummingbird hovering by one of the eater's head( for the flowers on the creeper which were hanging from the roof!)

Courtesy :http://travel.outlookindia.com

And talk about being eco-friendly( this place is more than 20 yrs old!!! Keep that in mind), for air conditioning, they have sprinklers on the roof and water there is recycled back thru pipes.. and barely any plastic in the entire place... if I had found a book shelf hidden anywhere amoung the eclectic collection I would either wanted to buy the place or least get adopted by the lady.. Best part was how the owner of the place came and talked to us coz we were so enthu about the place and she was telling us about her husband( btw, he studied in Christ!! Where I was studying at the time) and made the experience unbelievably personal...

Honestly, her husband sounds like someone we would have loved to know.. Want to go back one day and find everything about him and write a book on him.. the small insight she gave about how they got married itself( love marriage!) tells me his life would have been really crazy.. And you should see his picture too... so crazy looking!!! Have to come back and find out more about him for sure!! Me and Sanjay were sitting and wondering how it would have been for him to have started the restaurant since it was pretty obvious that he was from a well off family( just imagine going back home and saying 'Mom, I want to be a cook, for a profession!!!')

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It's been 2 and half years since I wrote this. It still haunts me in a beautiful way. And I still have to get back and learn the rest of the story. Yet another dream to bring true!

Take care,
Phil and his muse!

P.S : Do forgive the 2009 kid who was extremely careless with language!