Old Joys & New Hopes

In a few days, this century will leave its teen years behind and head into its 20's. We have come a long way from the Y2K and heady excitement of the world ending in 2012 ( though it does feel like it might have ended on a high note if it had done so given the state of the world today). From the first iPhone in 2007 to the ubiquity of smart phones now, we have moved eons in terms of technology and yet, thinking wise we seems to have gone back to  1940's. A world war seems be around the corner with tensions running high, countries being divided from within and resources running out. Yet, with all the doom and gloom mood that is out there now, 2020 strangely seems more optimistic. Revolution is in air and it's a heady feeling, full of hope.

2019 was a landmark year for me in many ways. Getting my diving certification in Maldives  fulfilled a bucket list ambition. Stumbling on baby turtles hatching and making their way to the sea will forever be one of my happy place moments (You can hear me squeal over them in the video!).  Chin's much awaited green card visit, Chennai weekend with Gabu and gang, the myriad girl gang breakfasts, cousin meet ups, game nites and MAD classes... there's a lot to grateful for! But this year was also the year I felt a fundamental shift within me.

My Fur Face with a  Purr-pose!

A combination of right meds, Odin the cat and some emotional tools, thanks to Unalome Project, after a long time I feel like I have a handle on my depression. Enough to have started work again after a two year break. Despite my trepidation, I found myself thriving. It felt good to be back and doing things I'm good at! I found my confidence again. I learnt how to disconnect from work when I get home. Having a furry face to greet you at the door helped a lot with this.  I managed not to get overwhelmed or spiral into dark places where I have no place being.

I learnt how to reach out and get support. This is huge for me. Being open and vulnerable is no longer a scary thing to do. Theoretically, I knew that friends and family would help but doubts would pop up whether I'm merely being whiny and/or unnecessarily taking up their time, being a pain in general. I learnt how to manage the doubts so that it doesn't work to wreck me. I learnt that once in a while it's OK to be a little whiny and people who care for you will love you more rather than less for spending time with them, even if it is to whine.

Space by Rebecca Mock

I learnt to be more forgiving of myself. Mistakes will be made. That's how humans are built. But I held myself to a far stricter set of standards than the one I had for everyone else. Now I remind myself to be kind to myself as well as others. I have not mastered it fully but I'm getting a lot better with practice.

But it was far from perfect. My eating habits went to the dogs. Instead of spiraling, I found food to be an effective distraction / pick me up. Thankfully I have decent metabolism but I cant help but wonder if I'm pushing my luck with my health. The forever skeptic within me is warning it is all going to catch up one day. So, I'm hoping 2020 is one where I'm more disciplined and mindful about my health in general. Maybe eat a little better, exercise more regularly. Well, fingers crossed.

Evolution Of Syntax by Michela Buttignol

Also want to get back to writing and doodling. Seeing Renu's sketches was a big inspiration. I went and got myself a Pilot pen in the hope that the different ink would stir something up. But the ink and paper had nothing more to say than what it had before. It feels so weird to have lost the ability to doodle. I can't seem to empty my head and let random thoughts and shapes float in to fill the page. It was something which made me happy and a little wonder stuck to see what would have started as  abstract lines and shapes turn into something recognizable. Even the ones which were not good, which was often, revealed a thought process within me which I was not previously aware of. So yeah, here's to more writing and doodling in 2020.

I'm also hoping this is going to the year I get to tackle and execute more ambitious work stuff. Projects I'm legit proud of, instead of just run of the mill stuff I do coz the client asked me to. Well, keeping my fingers crossed and resume ready for this! :D

So yeah, 2020... I hope you will be the year I do little things with great love and great things with a little encouragement! Hope you find the same!

And this post was prompted by Prarthana who asked us to muse over and "write a bit about what all they have learnt in 2019 and what their intentions are for 2020 here. And share a SELFIE also."
So here's me looking forward to whatever the future brings!

PS: The artwork is all created for Nautilus, a science magazine, which I think everyone should totally check out because they have great stuff!